“Oh no,” Hundred was stunned upon seeing the gunfishes leap in and out of the pool, heading straight toward Lirzod. He priorly told Lirzod that the fish could fly, but Lirzod thought that Hundred was saying these fish could jump out of the water like dolphins, but he was wrong. These gunfishes were literally flying.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lirzod’s eyes froze at the sight of what was unfolding. He held the spear in two hands and started to spin it, creating a circular wall in front of him. All the gunfishes that came lusting after a piece of his meat got thwacked away by the spear.
“Wow! That's decent spear-work!” the audience began to clap and root for him. “He’s spinning it like it’s a quarterstaff. If the spin was any slower, the fish would have made a meal out of the spear and the spear-holder.”
“Not good,” Hundred said, upon seeing that a lot more fish were on their way.
“Give me a break,” Lirzod’s expression, however, wasn’t glowing, for the number of fish coming at him only increased by the second. Though the spear kept spinning in his hands and continued to block the fish, one of them still managed to slip past the defense of the spear and bit his shoulder, causing the audience to get up from their seats, but to their shock, Lirzod grabbed the fish by his mouth and endeavored to dig his teeth into its tough scales.
“This boy, he managed to pull the fish out before it got a chunk of his flesh.”
“I can’t believe he’s trying to bite that fish!”
“Wait, look! He doesn’t have his front teeth!”
“Eh? One, two, three… at least three of the front teeth are missing!”
“No. He’s missing four I think.”
“H-He’s trying to bite that fish with four missing teeth?” the audience gasped in disbelief.
“Impossible! Gunfish’s scales are too hard for a man’s teeth. If he doesn’t stop, he’ll lose the rest of his teeth.”
Hundred was in shock and fell back in his seat as if giving up. After all, almost all the fish gathered, a hundred of them near the pool, and they flew at Lirzod with renewed rage. In his eyes, there was no way to defend from that.
Just then, a terrible yet silent screech echoed through the center chamber, and all the flying fish suddenly lost their momentum and crashed to the ground before taking a straight turn back to the pool.
Even the one stuck between Lirzod’s teeth struggled, forcing him to spit it. “What the—”
“Master Sean has caught six fish, so the first round has finished,” one of the senior trainees entered the chamber, holding a small, one-legged bird with pure white eyes, and its feathers had a variety of hues like with roosters. “Seal the pool right now,” he ordered the junior trainees.
“Woah, what happened?” some of the first-time audience were utterly puzzled.
“Simple. Those gunfishes got intimidated by the scream of a powerful gunfish, that’s all.”
“A powerful gunfish? Where?”
Hundred was looking at the bird in the senior trainee’s hands. “That must be the Blindbird, one among the rare species that can travel on land, in air, and underwater. They say these birds can mimic almost all voices of the world, and that they can smell danger from a mile away and see through someone’s psyche with but a glance. It's all hyperbole, but no one has disproved it either.” He looked at the gunfishes, which were now hiding at the bottom of the pool, clustered at a corner. “We couldn’t hear it, but those fish must have heard a distressing call. Having said that, to think these fish can communicate even above the water to such extent… I can’t help but wonder how much more fearsome their swarm would be when being guided by a leader.” His eyes then shifted toward Lirzod. “Whew, today is his lucky day. Had that bird call came a few seconds later, things might have gotten nasty.”
Lirzod was wearing a complex look. He seemed neither happy nor sad. “Maybe I shouldn’t have entered this contest.” He shook his head, “No, it’s too late to be thinking of that. I should focus on what’s coming.”
Dozens of trainees together sealed the pool with a golden metal sheet while some others helped collect the remains of the dead man. Meanwhile, the other contestants took hold of the fish they did away with.
The glass wall between the chamber and the audience stands went into the floor.
“Bring out the six gourmet saints!” the audience roared.
Without being late, six cats entered the chamber. All of them had beards and mustaches, but another common thing they had was the brown, circular crystal-like substances on their foreheads, which didn’t look like they were attached but something that grew out of the bone, flesh, and the skin. All the six cats were escorted to their seats, which were arranged for them at the center of the pool, atop the golden sheet.
“W-Why do cats have beards?” Lirzod was astounded.
“Those who aren’t aware of the rules of the second and the final round,” a senior trainee addressed the crowd, “please listen carefully.” As he was saying, eleven wooden tents were raised for all the remaining competitors, and these tents were their kitchens. “Each competitor will cook with the fish they caught. And whoever gets the highest visits of the saints to their kitchen will be the winner. And the winner this time around will be rewarded with ten kilos of boneless tuna!”
The audience cheered, roared, and also drooled, whereas Lirzod raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t know whether to feel good or bad about the reward. “All this struggle for a mere ten kilos of tuna meat.”
Ten of the eleven competitors had already begun to cook using the ingredients that were provided for them. The only cook who didn’t start cooking was Lirzod. He was simply sitting in his kitchen, with his elbow placed on his thigh and his palm supporting his chin. On the table beside him were two fish that he had defeated. Had the one he tried to bite to death didn’t escape back into the pool, he would have had a third fish on the table.
“Why isn’t he cooking?”
“Maybe he doesn’t know how to cook?”
“Then he shouldn’t have participated!”
“One seat is wasted on him now!”
The audience began to boo and showed thumbs down to Lirzod. With no glass wall separating them anymore, Lirzod could hear their voices clearly.
Lirzod fingered his ear and mused to himself. “I understand their anger, but who understands mine? I don’t know how to cook, but here I am, being told to cook. All I can do is fry them and apply salt and spices, but I don’t know how to handle a gunfish. Without knowing which parts are useful, I’d simply be wasting them. I’d rather take them to Duera or Sawshin. They might know how to cook them, given Aunt Keira’s talent in cooking.”
Because they received no reaction from Lirzod, the audiences eventually stopped caring about Lirzod’s kitchen and shifted their attention to the other tents. Some chefs were boiling fish in plain water, while some used saltwater. One chef even brought ale with him, and as he poured it into the boiling water, the audience drooled like ravenous dogs.
The boiling helped to brush away the impurities of the fish, and then, some tried to make a soup out of the fish, not leaving even the bones, while some simply fried the fish. Upon seeing that some chefs were just frying their fish, Lirzod was surprised. “Wait, so frying is enough?” he suddenly stood and grabbed one of the fish.
“Hey, look! He got up.” Some of the audiences had their eyes turn toward Lirzod.
“Hmph, he’s too late. By the time he finishes the cooking, all the saints would have eaten their fill. They wouldn’t even visit his kitchen for a sniff!”
“Yeah, he’s lost the war already. He better step out before he embarrasses himself further.”
Hundred, on the other hand, stayed silent. Whether he wins or not doesn’t concern me anymore now that he’s passed the first round.
“I’m done!” one of the chefs had just finished with frying and seasoning. two of the six gourmet saints got down from their seats, rather lazily. “Haha, it seems two are interested in entering my kitchen right off the bat,” the chef felt proud of himself.
At that moment, in Lirzod’s kitchen, Lirzod had just finished boiling the water before tossing both the fish into the small cylindrical vessel. A second later, one of the fish came flying out, startling Lirzod. However, it didn’t come straight at him and instead struck a utensil down from the table and made enough noise to attract ears, especially those of the felines.
Along with the audience, the six gourmet saints turned their heads to take a look into Lirzod’s kitchen, and a fish was bouncing off the tent walls, trying to escape out of the kitchen.
“Crap, one gunfish is still alive!” the audience was quite surprised, but the real shock came next when all the six gourmet saints dashed straight to Lirzod’s kitchen, and they were so fast that most of the audience didn’t even know what had happened. In just a blink of an eye, all the six cats were inside Lirzod’s kitchen and were jumping and clawing at the flying gunfish. It seemed like a competition as well as a hunt to see who would do better.
Lirzod, all this while, stood rooted to the ground and didn’t move an inch; however, after the cats caught the gunfish and brawled with each other to get the plaything for themselves, his patience grew thin, as evident in the clenching of the fists. Their egotistic meows injected irritation in each pulsing vein of Lirzod, and a wave of rage washed over his face. His eyes caught a movement made by one of the felines, which jumped at the feline in possession of the gunfish. “That’s my fish!” With a kick to the belly, he sent a saint ‘wrrav-ing’ through the air, and all the remaining five felines immediately scampered off in different directions and left the kitchen; however, they soon chased after the feline that had the fish in its mouth.
“Wait, you little! Give me my fish!” Lirzod ran after that specific cat as well.
The audience, meanwhile, watched with dumbfounded looks. As for the chefs, they had slackened jaws and bulging eyes, including Sean.
Hundred couldn’t believe what just happened, and he got out of the seat. “H-He won!”
The six gourmet saints kept on running around the pool, and the fish changed many mouths, but they still kept on fighting for the prize.
Lirzod was eventually left behind.
With his back to the wall and his hands placed on his knees, he panted heavily. “These damn cats sure are fast…” He clutched the right side under his ribs. “It hurts.”
One of the senior trainees hurriedly approached Lirzod. “Hey, you, what do you think you’re doing?”
“What, I’m just taking back what’s mine,” Lirzod replied, standing straight but still breathing audibly. “These things sure can run fast. Catching them in this open space seems impossible.”
“Forget about taking that fish back,” the senior trainee said, “unless you don’t value your life.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Those six gourmet saints are not your ordinary cats,” the senior trainee said in a knowing tone. “If even one of them turns its claws at you, you’ll stand no chance against them. You should consider yourself lucky that you weren’t attacked soon after you had kicked one of them. Thank that fish for grabbing their attention. You should leave this chamber and not fall in their eyes for some time.”
“Huh? What about the competition?”
“You can take ten pounds of tuna as you leave the chamber.”
Lirzod blinked twice. “Wait, what did you say?”
The audiences, meanwhile, could only shake their heads and sigh. The other contestants, however, were gritting their teeth.
“To think the competition ended in this manner… my stomach feels sour.”
“This must be the first time something like this happened.”
At that time, some competitors began to complain.
“He didn’t even cook. How could this be considered a win?”
“Yeah, he doesn’t deserve the win.”
“We came here to see a cooking contest. This is bullshit.”
“We want the competition to get conducted again!”
“The saints entered his tent solely for the fish, and that’s why he won. So shut your mouths and leave, please,” Sean interfered and made the complainers leave with their heads facing down. Later, he walked together with Lirzod. “Let’s have that lunch, shall we?”
“Would there be deserts with nut toppings?”
“Haha,” Sean smiled, brightening Lirzod’s expression momentarily. “No.”
“Eh!” All the air escaped out of Lirzod’s lungs.
“Oh, wait, I have a small business to take care of,” said Sean. “Why don’t you wait outside? I’ll be there soon.”
“Sure,” Lirzod walked out of the chamber all by himself, and before Hundred could get to him, many people greeted him in a not-so-happy tone and badmouthed him for winning the event in such a stupid manner and kept telling him that he didn’t deserve the win.
This came as a bit of surprise, and Lirzod couldn’t properly react to their verbal onslaught.
Teacher: What is the difference between peasant and pheasant?
Student: ‘H.’
Teacher: Wrong. Think again.
Student: ‘-H?’
Teacher: *Faints*
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